I tend to be positive when confronting different situations. I like to look at the bright side and not focus on what I do not have or cannot be. However, it is painful when you have this feeling in your stomach which does not allow you to express your feelings and see how other people do not even realize how lucky they are.Most people take oral communication as a given.

The ability of expressing themselves seems like an attribute that one naturally has. One does not even focuse on that or puts " I can say what I think" in their resume. Maybe this is why it is so painful. Maybe for this reason I feel, at times, like a prisoner in my own body. I tend to look at people and when I see others speak I say to myself " Gee, how lucky they are, they can talk" It doesn't matter what their position is, their age, financial status, or looks. If they can speak what they want and express what they feel, I stare at them and think to myself, why can't I be "normal"? Then I sigh and try to think good thoughts but the hurt is there.All this brings frustration. It fills my stomach and tears me down. I want to speak. I want to express my opinion! But this "pre" stuttering drowns me. I can feel when I am going to stutter and lock myself to avoid the embarrassment and judgments. This feeling brings forth other negative behaviors. I get very anxious, moody, depressed but people do not realize it.

Frustration is part of me and I am trying to free myself from it. I always exhort myself and call for patience. I am (was?) very talkative and like to express my opinions. That makes all this worse. I have to lie and tell people that I am shy but inside I want to talk and join discussions and debates. I can only talk with my wife and there I do not care because she loves me. Actually I do not even stutter that much with her. Life is difficult but it goes on. I will continue to blend in and act shy but it kills me at times.

read more | digg story