So the day was finally near and the arrangements had started. Man was I nervous but it was not the eternal,union what cramped me up but the idea of having to say some words in front of all the people that meant something for me. There was no escape from having to be the center of attention, which I always preferred to avoid. Only thinking of the situation would make my palms water. I had put 2 different scenarios in my head which made my life miserable.

Scenario 1:
I would not be able to say my bows. How horrible this would be. Remember, 5% of the people who know me do not know my stuttering gift. So this would mean that I when I started stuttering not being able to tell my wife, in the day in which she had dreamed about all her life - I tried arranging a very small reunion and not a traditional wedding with a huge negative and a fight included - People would start saying,
- Man is Carlos nervous, he is second guessing
- Yeah, maybe he has another person, you know, these things happen.
- Wow, Sally´s about to be married to a husband who is a retard. (death chuckles)
- I wonder when this is over and people start bringing the free drinks!

I was trying to imagine what to do if any (exept the last which was a given) happened. I would probably try talking faster making it worse probably or just stutter it and go on with the show. The choices of running away or fainting on purpose were going down the list as I tortured myself on this scenario.

Scenario 2
After the bows, the groom often has to give some words and thank everyone. Ummm, well, here at least I can substitute words when my stuttering radar detects a problem approaching. However, as we all stutterers know, substituting words can back fire. When we do this technique sometimes we do not find an appropriate substitute and bring up a wrong word. This word would make your sentence incoherent and in consequence one looks like an idiot.

Examples of substitution problems.

I have loved my wife ever since I (oh oh ... Radar detects that met is going to be a problem... think, what do I say. oh no, time is up. I have loved my wife since all my life. (Shit, I don´t know her all my life, Gee, how do I fix this? Well go on man, people will not notice) This happens very quickly in my head. Not notice? My wife probably has already given me the look like, Hey, who the hell did you know all your life. I am not your ex you jerk.
So substitution can be a good a handy tool but it has its dangers, handle with care!

As you see, I had many things in my head while my wife was so happy and had other normal worries. I tried not to interfere in that and managed to keep it in me.

to be continued...