Stuttering is not the same to every individual. What would work for some would not work for others because of its complexity. This is why, at times, I feel so lonely and vulnerable. However we stutterers, share common struggles that in some way unite one same feeling of complete frustration.

As you may know by know, I am a teacher. Also I stutter more in Spanish than in English. I have tried to find the reasons to why this happens and have my own conclusions. What troubles me is how, in my case, stuttering or stammering seems to be morphing or changing. This means that I stutter differently now that I did before. For example, I used to not stutter with my bosses but now I am starting to. I also did not stutter with some people but the more I opened up the more I stuttered. So I am now seeing some patterns and have come to a discovery of the Power Position.

My best example is that when I teach I am in control, thus in a power position. This sensation of control relaxes me (I suppose) or creates in me a sense of confidence. I have realized that after my classes when students come to me to talk about other things not related to the course then I start stuttering more. I also teach Spanish and I always expect the worse but when I am in class I stutter less. It seems that this Power Position gives me an extra backup or just more room to relax. Of course I have my days but stuttering is usually worsen when I fall out of this position.

For instance, I used to be very fluent with my bosses and used to talk very relaxed. Then I started intimating more and opening up and suddenly I was in a position where I started to talk to them more friendly wise. I fell out of position and now I avoid talking to them because I just can't find the words and I just doubt about myself. It is hard to tell you about the Power Position because I do not understand it completely.

What I know for sure is that if I would not have this Power Position I would not be able to be a teacher don't you guys think? And believe me I do stutter. In my class I am the main guy, the one who controls the environment, who puts order. This gives me this position. However when my wife tells me about a social gathering with her friends I fall completely out of position. Everyone will look at me and will want to meet me and I will have to talk naturally and well, no Power Position. If I could only know how to manage this state and repeat it throughout all my interactions I bet I could improve a lot.

At any rate, I do feel that my stuttering is changing and is getting stronger. I hope that I don't lose this Power Position effect because I am good at what I do. Stuttering is too complex!