It's been a while since I last posted that I probably lost my few readers. I have been busy with work and my other 8 blogs. This is the only one which I write personal stuff so I enjoy it and have missed posting in here. Last week my wife was around and even left a message. She had not read the blog before and took a quick glance at it and now she probably will become another reader.

Now to the subject in matter, last month I got a comment from Jillian where she kinda helped me out figure why I did not stutter that much when teaching in contrast to having typical casual conversations.

I read in a pamphlet from the "Stuttering Foundation of America" that people who stutter rarely do it when acting or singing. Perhaps when you teach, you see yourself as being "in character" and you're able to "perform" and not stutter.

I went to a Performing Arts school as a kid. In the plays and musicals... as long as I was "in character" I NEVER had a problem. As soon as I was back to being me, I stuttered like crazy.
Stuttering can't be more confusing than it is. I mean, in addition to having to live with verbal communication deprivation some, like me, do not have a clue on why I got it, how it works. Searching answers just opens more questions and I feel that my quest is one with no happy ending. I have argued with fellow stutters on many topics regarding stuttering from which many state that they have all the answers. First, I really feel I have acquired it from another person and the post to that story is here (click me). I know, it is not in any book probably but I was stutter free years ago. Oh yeah, then they tell me that I was always a stutterer but I had to trigger it. Maybe, but why is my wife now stuttering more and more? Any answers there?

Going back to Jillian's argument, when I read it it made perfect sense. Just take a minute and see me in "action" if you will.
The setting is a business lobby where three well-suited and groomed professionals await their English instructor to whom their respectable company has entrusted their education in the English language. I, less groomed but still prepared for the encounter, arrive on top of the hour with my suitcase and my markers. The tension elevates and I become a bit nervous. We finally gather with opening shy looks and scanning each other. Then something takes over me like if I were possessed at the moment. I am in charge. I am the boss in there. My experience and knowledge give me the "power". Such power strengthens me and my self confidence overflows. My tongue gets lose, my muscles relax and even my mood and personality seem refined. The result is evident: I don't stutter.

HEALED!!! I think to myself. Finally I achieved my so desired goal, I insist. However later that day, I get home and begin to talk to the family and fall into the stutter swamp. WHY? How can I come to understand such paradox? Isn't a stutterer suppose to fall into the blocking and rattling when confronted with anxiety and specific social nerve cracking situations? WHY am I so useless in comunicating in such trival and so common, daily, everyday conversations?

Then it came to me when reading the stated comment, ROLE PLAYING!!!! See, who teaches is not fully "me". It is a character, the teacher. I am not exposed to hurting looks because I do not know these people. And even if they encounter one of my stutter words, I am bothered by it because my goal there is one; to help them learn English. How ironic !!! I am there to teach them how to communicate. In addition, I am not an average teacher, I am one of the best in the company. I have never received a complaint and my bosses always praise me. Students have a ball in my class and my interaction with them is superb. You would not notice I was a stutterer in my class. In fact, in one class the word "stutterer" came into discussion and I felt I was unmasked but they started talking about how it affected other people. I so wanted to tell them HEY, I AM HERE!!! but I couldn't do that because then I would lose the role playing character and I would probably stutter.

The other day I talked to a stutter fellow and he said he also did not stutter when he imitated Elvis Presley. Another said he wouldn't rattle when speaking in a different accent. Maybe you are one of those stutterers. At any rate, the question would be, how do I use this information to improve my communication in my daily language?